Abuela's Pantry #15: I am trying to exist

Existence is sometimes the only thing you can control. Not how you exist. Not what gets in your way. Not how you feel or how you fear, but focusing on existing no matter what.

Existence is resistance on it's own.

Existing proudly, loudly, in bed, outside, in hospitals, in the streets, not letting anyone forget.

These songs help me exist.


  1. Nothing to be Done by The Pastels on Sittin Pretty (Homestead)
  2. Scattered Pearls by Casiotone for the Painfully Alone on Etiquette (Tomlab)
  3. same shit / complicated by kimya dawson on Thunder Thighs (Great Crap Factory)
  4. fine by mal blum on Every Time You Go Somewhere (don geovanni records)
  5. Age of Consent by Cayetena on tired eyes (tiny engines)
  6. shitty and tragic by P.S. Eliot on sadie (Salinas Records)
  7. Barely 21 (ft. Tavi Gevinson) by Seth Bogart on Seth Bogart (Burger Records)
  8. future home of planet reptile by bunnygrunt on Jen-Fi (Happy Happy Birthday to Me Records)
  9. Future Police by Downtown Boys on Full Communism (Don Giovanni)
  10. in love by The Raincoats on the raincoats (rough trade)
  11. Cold Hands by Pants Yell! on Received Pronunciation (Slumberland)
  12. strength by comet gain on magnetic poetry (fortuna pop)
  13. Cool Slut by Chastity Belt on Time To Go Home (Hardly Art)
  14. My Nene by Mykki Blanco on Mykki (https://mykkiblanco.bandcamp.com/album/mykki)
  15. try me by Kero Kero Bonito on Bonito Generation
  16. Tomboy by Princess Nokia on 1992 (self-released)
  17. Tech Bro by Childbirth on Women's Rights (Suicide Squeeze)
  18. reject reject by pants yell! on Alison Statton (soft abuse)
  19. borderline (an ode to self care) by Solange on A Seat At The Table (Saint Records/Columbia)
  20. Fear & Force by Vagabon on Infinite Worlds (Father/Daughter Records)
  21. caving in by Kimya Dawsom on Remember That I Love You (K Records)
  22. worried shoes by daniel johnston on yip jump music (Eternal Yip Eye Music)
  23. All The While by Hand Habits on Wildly Idle (Humble Before The Void) (Woodsist)
  24. i'd like to walk around in your mind by Vashti Bunyan on Just Another Diamond Day (Philips Records)
  25. hello i feel the same by The Innocence Mission on Hello I Feel the Same (korda)
  26. A Better Son/Daughter by Rilo Kiley on The Execution of All Things (Saddle Creek)
  27. nu 1 by PWR BTTM on Ugly Cherries (Father/Daughter Records, Miscreant Records)
  28. Substance by Girls on Broken Dreams Club (Fantasy Trashcan)
  29. Citrus by Diners on Always Room (Lost Sound Tapes)
  30. WTF by Eskimeaux on Year of the Rabbit (Double Double Whammy)
  31. Shadow Man (Feat. Saba, Smino & Phoelix) by Noname on Telefone
  32. Wannabe by Spice Girls on Spice (Virgin)
  33. cry by Carly Rae Jepsen on EMOTION SIDE B (Schoolboy/Interscope)
  34. Kids On the Boardwalk by Hop Along on get disowned (hot green)
  35. Expatriate by Allison Crutchfield on Tourist in This Town (Merge)
  36. come on over by Veronica Falls on Veronica Falls (Slumberland)